The Fork

I dislike forks.

And spoons.  Knives are okay, ice cream cones even better, but I really really dislike forks.

On the other hand, I love good-tasting food.  And in my personal opinion, forks taste like metal.  I would never consider metal an ingredient in any gourmet dish, yet somehow we've democratically approved sticking it into our mouths and calling it normal.  Isn't that the exact same thing we discipline children for?  No wait, somehow it's different because this particular metal has been molded into pointy spikes and holds food, right?

I call it weird.

So if you wonder why carne asada burritos, fish tacos, and sushi are so stinking delicious, don't blame it on the ingredients.  Instead let's give credit where credit is due: no forks.

The Walk

The more "organic" time I spend with my children, the more I start to worry about them.

Today we went on a walk.  Nothing sophisticated.  Just a walk.  On this walk my son questioned me about a warning sign.  You see, several months ago he learned how to read "Warning."  So now he asks what the warning is on anything that says warning -the mattress tag, the refrigerator, the seat belt, the dryer...everything.  Including the neighbors sign:

Umm....picture not to scale.  =)

Typically, he asked what the warning was.  So I explained:  well, it lets people know that the house has an alarm.  So that way if someone thinks about going inside when the people aren't home and taking their stuff, they won't because they know an alarm will go off.

To this he replied:  "OR the secret spies can just go in."

I wrinkled my forehead and the walk continued.  Whenever we go on walks, my two daughters collect a bouquet of gorgeous weeds and pass them on to me, to which I take proper action and diligently position them in my hair.  By the end of these walks I generally look like an upside-down pomander.  But whatever - it's for the children.

I wasn't sure if my hair was too full or if she just wanted to secretly keep a flower for herself, but I glanced back at my youngest stuffing a flower into her pocket.

(Fine, I admit it, these pictures are fakes.)

Sweetie, the flower's gunna get smooshed.  (Yes, my word usage is atrocious when I'm speaking to my 3 year old.)

"That's okay Mommy - we can just water it."  

Sheesh.  That is seriously the LAST time I let a tv show teach my children.  

Catching up.

Four score and 7 years ago I started Project Pizza.  Then I never finished.  So here is Project Pizza Attempt #2 in 5 seconds or less:

Looks great, but I have a little secret.  The bottom is black.  Project Pizza Attempts #3-6 involved Digiorno.  I figure since I didn't order them and I rearranged the pepperoni, it counts as semi-homemade.  Well, with a little bit of this...semi-homemade...I can take full  credit and qualify them as total successes.  Yay me.

As for my hundred push-up challenge (I know, you thought I forgot about this), I'm doing semi-amazing.  I actually haven't given up yet, however, I manage to forget to push myself up on the days I'm supposed to, so instead of doing it every other day 3x a week, I'm doing it every 3 days, period.  My max so far has been 20 push-ups.  TWENTY!  And I've had several people ask if I'm doing them on my knees.  No way!  I've been doing these puppies on my toes.  And hands.  I'd be pretty crazy good just doing them on my toes, huh?

Oh, P.S. I just got a phone call from the company we're applying for life insurance from.  They're required to ask 2 million questions so they know how much to charge you for insuring your life.

Her: "Have you gained or lost any weight in the past 2 years?"
Me: "Umm...gained some."
Her: "And what caused this weight gain?"
Me: Paused to think about this then "laziness, I guess."

She just laughed.  Hard.  She laughed so hard, she had to pause the interview.  Then the next 10 questions contained more laughter.

Next time I'm blaming it on the kids.

Learning the Art of Budgeting.

Ever since we paid off all our debt, my husband and I have been learning to live on a budget.  While we've managed to stay out of debt, not wasting money is still a learning process for us.  Here are a few lessons I've learned along the way:

1. My husband and I found out we prefer dates that don't include movie theaters.

2. Pizza or spaghetti once a week is NOT going to kill us.  

3. Oatmeal is about the cheapest breakfast option there is.  

4. Kids grow out of clothes (or stain them) TOO fast to buy them all new.  

5. I won't buy used underwear, but I still can't buy my daughters princess underwear.  Why?  Six pairs for $9 or nine pairs for $6? Hmmm.

6. There is an AWESOME play structure Downtown....and it's free.  

7. There are killer finds to be found at the thrift store.  Such as a Camelbak filter cleaner:  spent $1.20.  Sold it on ebay for $14.  Sweet.

8. I can make some pretty decent iced coffee (thanks Jenny for the help!) that costs pennies to make.

9. New bestsellers:  $14.  Used bestsellers: $1  

10. My kids don't mind not being in every activity.  They don't notice that they're not wearing Baby Gap.  They don't need the latest toys or the fanciest bike (in fact, two of my kids don't even HAVE bikes).  They just want me and Daddy to notice them.  And play with them.  Read to them, and talk with them.  And all of that is 100% free.  

See, I'm learning.  =)

Because. That's Why.

So, you already know we had a very very busy two weeks.  Very busy.  One could almost say they were Massively busy.

And when life becomes that busy, one stops cooking.  Yet one must not stop eating.  So we didn't.  Instead we ate things like pizza, pasta, burgers (In-N-Out, of course), and frozen yogurt.  All delicious, but they all have one thing in common:  they should be consumed in moderation.

Oops.

No worries, friends, because a couple weeks back my husband and I watched an intriguing documentary about an unhealthy guy who went on a juice fast and became healthy.  My husband promptly suggested we do this, which of course we promptly didn't.  (Hey - life got busy then.)

Anyhow, when the couple weeks were over and our extra flab was extra flabbier, we decided to go for it.  Only we've modified it slightly.  Instead of drinking solely juice for all our meals, we drink some form of this twice a day:

....then follow it up with some CRAZY DELICIOUS (but healthy) dinner - because by that time I want FOOD!

For those of you who just freaked out because you thought we were drinking creamed spinach, it actually started out looking like this:

That's some orange juice, a banana (natural sweetener, yaya!), a whole carrot, red chard, and some kale.  Talk about food coloring, eh?  I thought this looked pretty.  My husband actually goes lighter on the banana (as in NO banana), lighter on the kale and chard (which I think might actually mean NO kale or chard) and a lot heavier on the frozen fruit.


P.S.  Why did I decide to do the hundred push up challenge?!?  I ache all over and have to go at it again tomorrow.  AGH!  So, who's going to join me?

Expensive Paper and Push-ups

The Most Expensive Butcher Paper in the World

Once upon a time a girl went to the local store and bought some butcher paper.  The girl put the paper in the cart and walked to her car.  Where she promptly left her butcher paper in the cart.  And got in the car.

Brilliant.

So when she got home and realized she did not have her butcher paper, she returned to the store.

She looked in the carts for her butcher paper.

She looked at Customer Service for her butcher paper.

She looked at the register for her butcher paper.

The butcher paper was not found.  

So she bought more.

Yes, she paid twice for one roll of butcher paper.

Expensive.

That was a bit frustrating.  Especially since it was needed to ship a HUGE amount of ebay items, donated by an amazing women in an effort to support our adoption fundraising.  But it's hard to complain when I spent WAY less on the roll (err..rolls) of paper than I've made selling the donations.  

Shortly after arriving home with my Expensive Paper, I discovered my daughter was helping me out by applying "glue" to the envelopes.  She's such a...sweetie.

With all that's been going on these past two weeks, I did what any sane person would do:  

I took on the One Hundred Push-Up Challenge.

I think its pretty comical when it says,

 "Once you've collapsed in a sweaty heap on the floor and your arms have stopped trembling from the exertion, make a note (mental or otherwise) of how many, or how few, push ups you were able to perform."

I'm curious if they honestly thought that 16 seconds of exercise would turn me into a "sweaty heap."  But yes, it did make my arms tremble.  And I supposed I just assumed it took about one second to do a push-up when I said 16 seconds, because I pulled off 16.  Okay, I guess the last 3 took me slightly longer.  Hehe.

But hey - that's more than I expected!

Assuming I do as well blogging about this as I did my Project Pizza, you'll never hear about this again.   Actually, I'm just waiting for my sister ('ahem') to email over pictures of my last attempt at pizza.

So maybe you will hear about the push-up challenge again. 

 

Hopefully I'll be able to do 17 by then.