I was rude.

I know what you're thinking....jessie, rude?  What's new?  ;)

Honestly, though, this is an embarrassing post to write because it's transparency at its greatest.  Considering that intentional rudeness is one of my biggest pet peeves, you'd think I'd know better.  Apparently I still have some growing up to do.

I really wasn't trying to be rude.  There is a blogger I occasionally read who said there are certain questions you shouldn't ask a pregnant woman. I agree.  There are questions and comments people should avoid.  But they don't and so I offered up a solution....don't take those comments personally.  I told her that she seemed to get offended easily, but that these questions were not judgments or accusations; some people are just ignorant and/or uneducated.

I got some heated responses to my comment, so I attempted to reword my thoughts.  Somehow what I thought of as an offering of wisdom was coming across as hatred and I didn't know how to fix it.  She told me that my name made her cringe and to "move on" from her posts.  So I did what I thought was best...I apologized.

And then I found her twitter comments.  She had told her 3,257 followers that I was hateful, awful and crazy.  I felt like I was kicked in the stomach because I NEVER meant to make anyone feel like that.  My sister often has to coach me on how to do simple things like ask Starbucks to remake a bad drink, because I'm THAT non-confrontational.  But somehow I really made a mess of things on this blog site, and my attempts to fix it were not working.  So I went a step further and I emailed her.

D-------,

I apologize.  I was not coming on to try and attack, belittle, or anger you or your readers.   The internet is crappy for conveying tone, and there was absolutely no anger in my comments.  I never said or tried to imply that the questions being asked of you were appropriate.  They aren't.    I've just been in situations where people ask (or outright tell me) inappropriate things and I've learned that more often than not, it's their ignorance that leads to those comments.  I know you mentioned you've been on the other side....were you judging or simply curious?  My point is simply that inappropriate comments are going to happen, but we still have a choice in how we respond to them.  I kept trying to reword my comments to not sound like I was attacking anyone, but evidently that didn't work.  I'm sorry I came across as harsh.

However, the one thing I never did was name call.   I didn't go tell 3000+ people that you were hateful, awful, and crazy.  I never said that seeing your name makes me cringe.  I don't know if you've confused me for someone else, but this was the first time I ever posted as "jessie" on any of your posts, and I've only ever posted 3 other times, twice praising you.  So for you to so easily reduce yourself to name calling and telling me to "move on" was confusing.  I'm going to chalk it up to a misunderstanding or crazy pregnancy hormones, but maybe you really did intend to hurt me.  Either way, I'm sorry for my part.  As per your request, I have "unliked" your Facebook page (which was how I kept up with some of your posts).

Best wishes,
jessie 

Her email response back talked about lying to a PR Lady or something, and that people like me only cause hurt and pain, that it's her "darn" blog (according to internet etiquette I think she was yelling that part at me), and to leave her alone.  Plus some other things about therapists and martyrs.

Then she went back to twitter and said,

"Emailing me an apology for your comments that ends with you telling me that I'm crazy & you aren't isn't really an apology. I'm just sayin'."

It appears someone edited my email in transit because my version didn't say anything about her being crazy (simply that pregnancy hormones are crazy, and who is really going to deny that?) and it definitely didn't imply that I'm NOT crazy.  =)

Oy.

You guys, this situation sucks.  She's a blog writer with hundreds of followers, and my one critique (nevermind the positive comments I've left her) has landed me in her hot house, opening her readers up to join in criticizing me, "the hater."  I understand why they'd stay loyal to her, but it still hurts.  I'm convinced now that some other "Jessie" set me up for this big fall, but either way, I have to admit responsibility for my part.  In summation (always wanted to use that word), I messed up.  There are very few rules on the internet, and the freedom that allowed me to foolishly encourage her to not get offended is the same freedom she used to respond unkindly.  And, because the internet doesn't play fair, apologies don't always fix things.  I recently got in touch with another blogger who said this:  I guess the way I see it is I don't say anything in a blog comment that I wouldn't say to someone I just met. If I have known the blogger for a long time, and have built a friendly relationship, and want to offer advice I email.

Well, that's a lesson I've definitely learned.

When you're the parent...

...you have to protect your children.  Sometimes that means testing food to make sure it's safe to eat.  Food that might be too hot, or too spicy...

...or just plain poisonous.  Like homemade ice cream.

Really, it's for the safety of the kids.

No, really.

=)

My new look

To those who visit my blog regularly:  yes, the look has changed several times.  I liked it, didn't save it, clicked the wrong button, then lost it.

I had to make do with a basic look until I had time to sit and fix it.  It's fixed and I like it again.  Sorry if you don't, but not really.

To those who didn't even notice the multiple changes:  you should visit more often.

I'm Diseased.

I have an ugly disease that flared up today.  I've always had issues with it, but today it was on track to get exceedingly awful.  Then amidst trying to clean my room through tears, I was cured.  For today, anyway.  My disease isn't rare, but it is ugly and can sometimes be contagious.  And today it nearly took me down.

It's called ungratefulness.  

My husband owns a business and by now we thought it would have grown more.  It's stupid stuff that's preventing growth -- something my husband can't exactly control.  But because we've been working towards an adoption, we just sort of assumed things would fall into place...right?  Apparently wrong.  At least, that's how my brain was computing it yesterday.  Then while stumbling around my room and wiping snot from my face, it occurred to me:  I'm blessed.  And not just blessed, I'm spoiled.  I was so focused on what I thought I should have instead of being focused on what I am so richly surrounded with.

I have a hard-working, super-patient husband.  I have three wildly lovely children.  I have some of the most amazing friends a girl could ask for.  I have health insurance.  Yes, as weird as that sounds, I'm very aware of what a blessing that is and am thankful for it.  I have a house full of stuff.  Well, that's actually why I was stumbling around my room.  I have too much stuff and am trying to box a bunch of it up to get rid of.  Then tonight I sat down at my computer to respond to emails I get through my participation with Global Media Outreach.  They are emails from people trying to figure out who God is, or just want prayer, and they come from all over the world.  This particular email came from a young lady in Kenya who asked me to pray that God would bring back the love that once existed between her parents, and let me know she has cried to God countless times to open the door to college so she can get a good paying job and bring her parents out of poverty.  And I was bummed because Stuart's business isn't growing as fast as I hoped.  

What an idiot I can be sometimes.  Unlike most diseases, I bring this one on myself.  I lose sight of what I have and then the symptoms set in.  But today I caught myself and was able to turn my whining into thanksgiving...and it's not even November!  Best part is that the ungratefulness disease is cured as quickly as that.  At least for today.

So tell me, what are YOU thankful for?

Disneyland reprise, and my sister is a genius.

We went back to Disneyland last week.

Oh wait.  Back-track to our previous trip.  I have to show you this picture, when my mom offered my daughter an apple and she readily accepted.

Not quite sure what I think about that.

Back to the topic at hand: my Disneyland reprise.  During our last visit to Disneyland we ate lunch at the Troubadour Tavern, which sells baked potatoes and Bratwurst.  I ordered the brats, which came on a pretzel roll and was topped with sauerkraut.

It. was. delicious.  Sooo delicious that I had to replicate it a few nights later. 

Did anyone else know that Trader Joe's sells brats??  I sure didn't.

They also sell the pretzel rolls, but I already knew that.  =)

I already had the sauerkraut on hand.  Why are sauerkraut jars so stinkin' difficult to open?  Here is my husband taking his attempt at it.  Even as strong as he is (*swoon*), he couldn't manage.  So I got clever and pulled out the bottle opener.

Here is an awful picture of the yummy results, complete with blueberries and sweet potato chips (though I suppose you can't see the chips):

MmmMmmmm.

The next night my husband was gone all night coaching basketball games.  When he's out of the house, dinner is absolutely simple.  I'm talking oatmeal, yogurt and toast, or oatmeal.  

Or pizza.  Because my sister is a genius.  

To give myself credit, I've made the kids pizza out of naan before.  But it was just that - kids pizza.  

Pizza sauce, cheese and pineapple (yes, we are that family with the pineapple).

Then my sister called me one night and introduced me to... [drum-roll please] ....grown-up pizza.  

Forget the pizza sauce; this was naan* dribbled with olive oil, kalamata olives, sun-dried tomato goodness and goat cheese.

*Trader Joe's sells a 4-pack of frozen naan for $2.  That's 50 cents a piece, and each piece is the perfect size for a personal pizza.  

While the kids prepped their own pizza...

...I created mine.  I was so overcome with it that I nearly forgot to take a picture.  

(Yes, that is a big ol' bite taken out of the bottom.)

And there you have it.  That is how our family filled our tummies last week.

On Sinking Funds...

As I was standing in the checkout line at Costco this morning, I overheard the cashier behind me telling a lady that her annual membership fee was due, and that she was simply going to add it to the total.  I was honestly surprised when the lady, who was wearing designer jeans and looked pretty well off, told the cashier that she didn't have enough to pay for the renewal fee.

I don't intend to judge.  I know the economy is not doing so well and people are struggling.  And we've been in a similar position (although, instead of being honest and saying I couldn't afford both, I just put it on the credit card like it wasn't a problem).  However, I started doing something last year that has totally changed the way I handle our family's finances.  

It's called the "sinking fund."  

A sinking fund is essentially a pool of money that continues to grow until some or all of it is needed.  Every year I know there are certain bills that I need to pay.  These include Costco membership, car registration, school tuition, insurance premiums, etc.  I also know my car is going to need regular maintenance and we're going to need to visit the doctor and dentist.  And since I know we're not going to get an extra paycheck when these bills are due, I've started planning for the expenses with the paychecks we currently receive.  

It's a simple concept, really.  To start, I divide each annual bill by 12 - this tells me what needs to be put aside each month in order to have the full amount ready when needed.  For our Costco membership, it's $9.  For our car registration, it's $17.  Once I've figured out each category, I total all the amounts up ($9+$17+...) and transfer the lump sum into my savings account.  Why transfer it into my savings account? Because in my head this money has been "spent" so I don't want to see it hanging around in my checking account.  I use a budgeting program to keep track of how much money accumulates in each category (but even a notebook can do that), and when the time comes to pay each specific bill, I transfer it back into my checking account and pay it off.  

For the expenses that aren't annual, such as doctors and car repairs, the account just continually builds (or sinks) and we just pull from it as expenses come up.  For instance, when we had to complete the five physicals (one per family member) for our adoption, it was nice to have the money ready to go rather than not be prepared.  

I know budgeting gets complicated and frustrating, but I feel like implementing just this one small change has made the biggest difference in our ability to be financially prepared.  

Anyone else do this?  Thoughts?

Because I'm Lazy

Because I'm lazy, our living room chair looks like this about 99% of the time.  We call it our "laundry chair."

Because I'm lazy, I've been listening to this alarm clock go off for the past 20 minutes.  Then - of course - I completely forgot to turn it off after taking the picture.  And I'm too lazy to go back to the bedroom again.

No, we have no need for a 4:30pm alarm.  But because I'm lazy, I haven't taken the time to fix that.


Because I'm lazy, I cook my tortillas like this.

And yes, because I'm lazy, the chicken gets shredded in the same pot I cooked it in.  It also gets mixed with sour cream and salsa (yes, in the same pot) because I'm too lazy to actually make a sauce tonight.  Or wash an extra dish.

But because I'm awesome, my family ate dinner for less than $7.  Mmmm.

Oh, and I only have one pot to wash tonight.  So sometimes being lazy is totally awesome.