This Is Me

Jessie Bee
I am a seeker of God, a help-meet to my husband and a mother to my 3 children. I love hot lattes, good books, cold weather and anything that inspires me to be creative. I desire simplicity and authenticity, but often have to remind myself to seek those .
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Friday, April 13, 2012

I was rude.

I know what you're thinking....jessie, rude?  What's new?  ;)

Honestly, though, this is an embarrassing post to write because it's transparency at its greatest.  Considering that intentional rudeness is one of my biggest pet peeves, you'd think I'd know better.  Apparently I still have some growing up to do.

I really wasn't trying to be rude.  There is a blogger I occasionally read who said there are certain questions you shouldn't ask a pregnant woman. I agree.  There are questions and comments people should avoid.  But they don't and so I offered up a solution....don't take those comments personally.  I told her that she seemed to get offended easily, but that these questions were not judgments or accusations; some people are just ignorant and/or uneducated.

I got some heated responses to my comment, so I attempted to reword my thoughts.  Somehow what I thought of as an offering of wisdom was coming across as hatred and I didn't know how to fix it.  She told me that my name made her cringe and to "move on" from her posts.  So I did what I thought was best...I apologized.

And then I found her twitter comments.  She had told her 3,257 followers that I was hateful, awful and crazy.  I felt like I was kicked in the stomach because I NEVER meant to make anyone feel like that.  My sister often has to coach me on how to do simple things like ask Starbucks to remake a bad drink, because I'm THAT non-confrontational.  But somehow I really made a mess of things on this blog site, and my attempts to fix it were not working.  So I went a step further and I emailed her.

D-------,

I apologize.  I was not coming on to try and attack, belittle, or anger you or your readers.   The internet is crappy for conveying tone, and there was absolutely no anger in my comments.  I never said or tried to imply that the questions being asked of you were appropriate.  They aren't.    I've just been in situations where people ask (or outright tell me) inappropriate things and I've learned that more often than not, it's their ignorance that leads to those comments.  I know you mentioned you've been on the other side....were you judging or simply curious?  My point is simply that inappropriate comments are going to happen, but we still have a choice in how we respond to them.  I kept trying to reword my comments to not sound like I was attacking anyone, but evidently that didn't work.  I'm sorry I came across as harsh.

However, the one thing I never did was name call.   I didn't go tell 3000+ people that you were hateful, awful, and crazy.  I never said that seeing your name makes me cringe.  I don't know if you've confused me for someone else, but this was the first time I ever posted as "jessie" on any of your posts, and I've only ever posted 3 other times, twice praising you.  So for you to so easily reduce yourself to name calling and telling me to "move on" was confusing.  I'm going to chalk it up to a misunderstanding or crazy pregnancy hormones, but maybe you really did intend to hurt me.  Either way, I'm sorry for my part.  As per your request, I have "unliked" your Facebook page (which was how I kept up with some of your posts).

Best wishes,
jessie 


Her email response back talked about lying to a PR Lady or something, and that people like me only cause hurt and pain, that it's her "darn" blog (according to internet etiquette I think she was yelling that part at me), and to leave her alone.  Plus some other things about therapists and martyrs.

Then she went back to twitter and said,

"Emailing me an apology for your comments that ends with you telling me that I'm crazy & you aren't isn't really an apology. I'm just sayin'."

It appears someone edited my email in transit because my version didn't say anything about her being crazy (simply that pregnancy hormones are crazy, and who is really going to deny that?) and it definitely didn't imply that I'm NOT crazy.  =)

Oy.

You guys, this situation sucks.  She's a blog writer with hundreds of followers, and my one critique (nevermind the positive comments I've left her) has landed me in her hot house, opening her readers up to join in criticizing me, "the hater."  I understand why they'd stay loyal to her, but it still hurts.  I'm convinced now that some other "Jessie" set me up for this big fall, but either way, I have to admit responsibility for my part.  In summation (always wanted to use that word), I messed up.  There are very few rules on the internet, and the freedom that allowed me to foolishly encourage her to not get offended is the same freedom she used to respond unkindly.  And, because the internet doesn't play fair, apologies don't always fix things.  I recently got in touch with another blogger who said this:  I guess the way I see it is I don't say anything in a blog comment that I wouldn't say to someone I just met. If I have known the blogger for a long time, and have built a friendly relationship, and want to offer advice I email.

Well, that's a lesson I've definitely learned.

4 comments:

Andrew said...

Welcome to the internet. But seriously, you have my respect for not escalating the flame war. I know I would have. :) Also, "he who hates reproof is stupid."

ambush521 said...

Booooo I am sorry she went burzerk. It is painfully obvious she is having some kind of emotional or hormonal issue. Pregnancy or whatever. You didn't say anything I wouldn't have.

Angela said...

Jessie, 20+ years of friendship and I've never have I known you to be rude. These days people can't just say what they would like edited version or non edited. These days unless you personally know someone anyones "advice" is considered unsolicited. But after you offering an apology and her still being mean about the situation only proves that you're the bigger person. Maybe she'll look back on what she said and realize that it is she that owes you an apology.

Vintage Byrd said...

I just found our blog...and I LOVE IT! Just wanted you to know..
God bless you!

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